Sex questions are too often answered with, “talk about it with your partner,” “better communication means better sex,” or “if you can’t talk, well maybe you shouldn’t be burping the worm in the mole hole.” While this advice is true, traversing to the kinky side is not easier said than done. Unfortunately, the Puritans, aside from giving us Talbot’s and Ann Taylor, have bequeathed a set of sexual attitudes that make it difficult for a lot of couples to get beyond the sexual Neopolitan of Vanilla, Girl on Top and Doggy. Getting past this self-imposed barrier is tough because you don’t want (or feel qualified) to be the freaky one.
Enter, the world of porn, sexeducational films and docurotica. Good sex films will help open up different possibilities and relieve you of sole responsibility for your dirty, dirty thoughts. The trick is finding the right film. If you are relying upon the sex workers on screen to set a good example, you want to make sure you’re hanging out with the right crowd.
Loving, romantic and erotic sex films can be difficult to locate in the sea of nasty schwag out there. Most porn is produced in an industry that treats its workers shamefully, works at finding new ways to be degrading and is packed with bullet-proof titties, ballad-worthy schlongs and banal gang bangs. If popped in the VCR of your sexually timid partner, they’ll likely result in a date with rosy palm and her five faithful followers.
Find a director or production company that fits your tastes. I recommend Andrew Blake. His ambient, plotless, low- to no-penetration art porn features light BDSM. His impressive back-catalog will keep you busy until he puts out a new title. Hardly trangressive, Blake displays a model-esque conception of female beauty, with lesbianism explored more for voyeurs than participants. It’s redeemed by the portrayal of these women as powerful goddesses who get what they want without lots of cock around. These films are good for couples who want to get more comfortable with masturbating with each other, using sex-toys, or who want to dabble in BDSM. Need more penetration? Mind Fucks? Check out The Fashionistas, produced by Evil Angel. This intense BDSM flick is not for the beginner, but actors seem human enough to relate to, and inspire couples to join in. For good gay male porn, gaypornblog.com provides decent reviews of the latest man on man flicks. Cyber-dyke.net offers hot porn by and for women.
The edutainment arm of the sexstructional film world is what Nigella Bites or BBQ with Bobby Flay is to your tastebuds. Enough to make you curious and hungry, but often a little complicated for your tastes. (In fact something you might only indulge in if Nigella came over and served it up personally.) Sexperts like Nina Hartley, Annie Sprinkle and Joseph Kramer offer guides for all types of couples covering topics from better fellatio and vulva massage, to anal sex and threesomes. You can find these films in the documentary section of distributors like Good Vibrations and Toys in Babeland, or online at blowfish.com.
DO IT YOURSELF
Some sex-positive progressives enjoy DIY amateur porn. Featuring real couples instead of paid actors, this option isn’t guaranteed date material, and odds are strong that the production values will be just above what your 7-year-old nephew shot at Thanksgiving.
What? What the fuck is Docurotica you say? Think 60 Minutes meets Where the Girls Are meets relationship counseling. More on that next issue kiddos….