The Macktivist: Trash the World Can Handle

R. Alvarez Sep 11, 2008

ILLUSTRATION: SHIRA GOLDINGDear Macktivist,I have a dream: to see my partner dance in a really slutty outfit to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I have pretty specific ideas about what will turn me on — boots, a corset, sexy panties, etc. — but as much as I want to play out my fantasy I also want her to feel like a million bucks. Unfortunately a million bucks is another thing I don’t have. Can you help me to figure out how to dress my girl like a classy whore without breaking the bank?—My Lady Needs Intimates, Mainly Naughty or Trashy


In an age rife with ecological instability, I’d like to applaud your efforts to cultivate the kind of trash this world could use. Tarting up the one we love is an all-too-rare chance to invite our partners into our fantasies and an opportunity for them to explore safe and dirty possibilities behind an indefatigable mesh façade.

For those hesitant to buy someone else’s peek-a-boo panties, here is an inspirational quote from Dolly Parton: “There was this lady … She had this beautiful peroxide hair and had it piled on her head, red nails, high heel shoes, and I just thought she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. And mama said, ‘Oh she ain’t nothin’ but trash.’ So, I thought, ‘That’s what I wanna be mama, I wanna be trash!’”

ILLUSTRATION: JENNIFER LEWHello Dolly! How you sing out loud what is whispered in our hearts! The be-jugged one also offers this caution: “You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!” Let’s pick up where Dolly left off.BOOTS: Since you have a (wet) dream to watch your lady dance, let’s go for slutty and comfortable.

The great news here is that many of your standard platform (not stiletto) fetish boots are pretty comfortable even for those unaccustomed to walking six inches above ground. Ponytrot — don’t walk — to the shoe corridor on 8th Street. I highly recommend the Village Shoe Revue (29 W. 8th St.).

A pair of panty-line thigh-high vinyl boots will only hurt you $75!

CORSET: Maybe the pro-doms know something that I don’t (and speak up if you do!), but a cheap corset is not easy things to find. The cheaper you go, the more function you lose: zippers, not lacing; piping, not whalebone; and so on. Corsets are a complex piece of technology, so whenever possible, just hand the college fund over. Good old reliable Trash and Vaudeville (4 St. Mark’s Place) has a salivatory sale rack stocked with three or four corsets to choose from. Corsets can be bought for $30 to $70 and promise to hold in and offer up the proper bits. The store also has an amazing shoe store in its basement where more fetish boots may be fondled.

PANTIES: God bless the slowly rotating panty-o-sphere at stores like Wet Seal and Strawberry’s (901 Avenue of the Americas and citywide). Go out and grab five absurdly sleazy pairs of panties for $12.50.ETC: Cheap and amazing, etc., is the kind of thing you can pick up at toy stores and delis if you’ve got the right eye. Here’s my quick list: Village Paper Party Store (18 Greenwich Ave.) has an unbeatable ceiling-suspended mask selection; collars and cuffs abound at Trash and Vaudeville; slutty stockings can be captured at Sock Man (27 St. Mark’s Place) and cheap sex toys, porn and lascivious help can be found at Fantasy World (192 7th Ave South).

MLNIMNoT, I tried to be both socially conscious and sleazy in my store selection, but this multiple goal was not easily met. Just promise me you won’t buy American Apparel, and I’ll absolve all other consumerist sins.

—R. AlvarezEmail your sex-related questions to

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