Thank you, Governor Cuomo, for taking time out of your extraordinarily busy schedule to answer a few questions from The Indypendent.

Why are you running for mayor?
a) Boredom
b) Spite
c) It’s a pathway back to Albany
d) All of the above 

Who designed your campaign logo?
a) Ninth-grade campaign volunteer  
b) A.I.
c) Ninth-grade campaign volunteer using A.I.  

How much do you love your Dodge Charger? 
a) More than Kerry Kennedy 
b) More than Sandra Lee 
c) More than Melissa de Rosa 
d) None of the above even compares 

Why did you quit as governor in August 2021?
a) Needed time to concoct smears against accusers
b) Wanted to go camping in the Adirondacks with Rich “Bulldog” Azzopardi 
c) Decided that New Yorkers needed a break from Andrew Cuomo 
d) Needed more quality time with the Dodge Charger

Why should New Yorkers pay your $60 million (and counting) legal costs?
a) Because they should.
b) Spite
c) High-priced lawyers need to eat. 
d) The lawyers are backing my scintillating campaign, so it’s all for the best. 

Why did you volunteer to defend Bibi Netanyahu against war crimes charges?
a) Alan Dershowitz is a mensch. 
b) Pandering can be joyful. 
c) Got my name back in the headlines 
d) Bibi is a soulmate. 

Which best describes your campaign? 
a) A breath of hot air 
b) A hunk of two-day-old bread  
c) A lump of moldy cheese 
d) A fountain of babble 

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