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Banji Boys and Girls on the Down Low

Leo Parde Feb 7, 2006

Don’t laugh but my roommate is probably giving your banji boyfriend head as we speak. Me, I’m listening to your girlfriend’s message asking me if I’m available to take her places you can’t. Both enjoy a little known place called intimacy without submission and ownership.

So how is it, in the age of mass globalization, where fascism masquerades as capitalism, my roommate and I offer a free service that most couples can’t provide to their partners? It’s easy.

We both sell intimacy without commitment. Drop-in whenever you want, but make sure you call first – remedy for a millennium. Sex is still the high card over consumerism.

Sure there’s a downside to our style of living. Both sinks leak from sex parties where couples have not only banged the kitchen sink out of alignment but have christened the kitchen floor a love pit. Our bathroom medicine cabinet hangs loose from the wall – one person’s passionate attempt at gaining more leverage.

Having sex on sinks is kinky, don’t ask me why. All I know is that I’m the designated plumber. As for your girlfriend, I don’t mind having a good time switch hitting. I find women get excited when you give them the keys to your car and let them drive. Especially when the trip is all about them.

Drama is your partner’s job; my place is to please – it’s my manly duty. P.S. The Golden Rule: Nothing leaves the bedroom. Absolutely nothing. That’s where most people screw up. Also, I never do married women.

However, my roommate is another story. He gives good head, so I hear. The walls are kind of thin. And he also switch hits. This is how the sinks got broken. I don’t remember the mirror. I find it best not to remember names.

I do know when to split until the coast is clear. It has become second nature, and it makes my roommate’s life easier. Down Lows spook like horses; very skittish, and need a tight rein. It took me a while to get used to their shyness. Now most of them when size me up when they see me, wondering which way I go, which is not their business.

The beauty of the apartment arrangement between my roommate and myself is that neither your banji boy nor your girlfriends will ever get close enough to take a picture. No cameras allowed in this courtroom.

Some people might think that the lack of a long relationship might be cause for some sort of psychological underpinning. However, that’s the kind of analysis you’d get from someone who’s either not getting enough, hasn’t experienced good sex, or has been reading too much Freud.

New York City is really twisted. If you’re looking for a relationship (as in marriage) we suggest you go to Jersey or Long Island. If, however, you have decided to ride the roller coaster known as the City, we suggest the “buddy system.”

In God’s love we deliver.